This weekend my mommy left for Edmonton, Gencan went off to the cottage with his friends for prom after party, and Genuine is in HK.
It was only my dadda and I left.
Weekends for me, is almost like the busiest days of the week, but i really wanted to spend some time with my dad, so i promised to spend sunday with him. It was really fun! This year i have been so involved with studying and school and friends that i have knowingly neglected my family. It's been a struggle for me to sit down patiently with them without thinking about the next chapter i need to read and friends i could hang out with. I knew that i wanted to spend time with family but i must admit i took them for granted this year. I was super self absorbed and not really involved with family stuff.
Nonetheless i really want to change that, one of my goals for summer is to devote more time to help out at home and spend time with my family.
Anyway the distance created during this academic year have left us with rather minimal communication, as in, deep talks and stuff, so whenever they scold me or point out my faults my first reaction is to be defensive and run up to my room. It's really rude actually, i hate it and regret everytime i do that. I know i hurt my parents a lot with my bad temper and attitude. I wish i could just appologize but i've got too much pride.
So for the weekend i spent some time talking with my dad. Whenever my dad gets a chance to talk to me, he always says, "it's my pleasure to talk to you my precious daughter". Hehe. I really see his eyes light up whenever he can spend time with me because i am actually the most distant one from the family. I love talking to him, my dad is so wise, so smart and so hardworking, he is such a great role model for me. He LOVES telling me about chinese history. (Sometimes he keeps talking but i don't listen, and then he goes, "did you hear what i said?" and i go "uh..haha..no..." hahaha) Actually my whole family is great. You know how you see the "true face" of people you live with? Let me just say everybody in my family are the most incredible people you could meet.
This morning i got in a fight with my dad, as usual i got really angry and defensive. While i sat in my room fuming, i remembered something that Wildeboer (refer to previous post) said (which i have forgotten at this moment. haha sorry.)
oh yeah i remember now.
It's basically everything he talked to us about...about the heart essentials of a leader. He has 13 in total but listed out 9 so far and challenged us whether we have it or not for each of them. Looking at the points, it made me feel ashamed of how little i felt i "lived up" to them. So while i was still angry, the fury subsided and diminished amidst the brokenness and unworthiness i felt. I mustered up all i got and i went up to him and appologized.
It was actually a very small thing that we were arguing about, but even so, saying sorry is really difficult.
I felt so reluctant to walk into his room to say sorry, but i felt the need to. Who's right and who's wrong didn't even matter. I knew i had to do it. As i said "sorry" tears started pouring down my rosy cheeks like two mini floodgates.
Apologizing and admitting your faults is SO hard.
I feels good to know i could do something so hard, but at the time i should continue to learn to be humble, saying sorry once does not mean i am forever exempt from apologies (haha)
So let's talk about some good things about my dad. So since my mom's been gone, he was trying really hard to do all the small things at home, and i really appreciate it, like today he cooked lunch for us, and he peeled off the skin for all the shrimps! There was a plate FULL of shrimps. I wanted to cry, it took him so long! He also sliced apples for gencan and I to eat. These are little things that make me want to hug my dad more than i do now. What else, he made dinner for us, and tonight he was late for basketball, his favourite activity, but he wanted us to try his food so before he even put food on his own plate, he helped gencan and I pour rice in our bowls. *tear*
I feel like this post is really scattered and unreadable. I'm realy sleepy though, i know there are loads of grammar mistakes and run-on sentence. Oh well. goodnite.
oh Lord, may you continue to mould me into a person more like Jesus
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