because of this rather "strong" distaste..whenever i finish class, i quickly run to the subway in hopes to avoid any sort of rush-ish hours time. oh i forgot to add also, that being in a subway at a time in which i feel is very "undesirable" (regardless of rush hour or no rush hour) time also gives me cold sweat and a sense of fear. i'm so weird.
anyway because of this weird fear, i have been missing out on a lot of opportunities to meet more christians on campus. for the first two years of university i've missed numerous cell group meetings and fellowship precisely because of that. in a way i am ashamed to say this..but it's true.
during first year i attended this cell group with really cool people, i went for a few weeks but i started to not go because the meeting usually ended at 6:30. to me, 6:30 meant= rush-ish hour=no seat= arriving home by 8= the sun will have set= late dinner= no good (just because i have a twisted theory).
so i stopped going.
everytime i bumped into *jolly (i'm just making up the name...of my cell group leader, she's actually not jolly) she would greet me with the warmest greeting, "ooh hii gendi! Where have you been this week? you must've been studying REAL hard!" ... and then i'd proceed with a crappy answer like "oh yes..hehe. sorry i wasn't able to make it, but i promise i'll come next thursday!" Jolly would then be delighted and expect me to go the next week..of which i already have planned to skip even before the "promise" was blurted out of my mouth. (what a person of no integrity i am)
jolly was just too sweet of a person to refuse too many times, so on her behalf i went to the meeting a few more times but honestly less than 10 times the whole year.
second year was even worse..jolly led cell group again and i went ONCE. i suck. but she always asked me the same question whenever we bumped into each other. everytime i ran across her it became increasingly awkward and stupid. now jolly's graduated and i dont get to see her anymore. YAY! just kidding, she's so nice. i really kind of love her because she's so nice.
my point is, that i've been avoiding cell group just SIMPLY because i wanted to avoid times of which I MYSELF felt was undesirable. jeez. who cares about traffic? who cares about a lot of people cramming into the train? I'll get a seat by shepperd station anyway.
i've missed out on so many opportunities to making really good friends, getting to know more about God, being encouraged by other brothers and sisters..and it's all because i didn't want to step out of my own comfort.
It's not just about the cell group meetings i've missed.
so many things i've encountered throughout my life (i make myself sound like i'm 70 or something) could've potentially helped me grow, could've been a greeaattt (like tony tiger of frosted flakes) opportunities. yet i let my own selfishness step in and let it slip by so easily. and it's not even big things like "oh i'm skipping this event because i have weird lumps that causes me to tremble endlessly if i attended it"...it's like "i just dont want to take the subway at an undesirable time". SO stupid...you know what i mean?
this year, i made a commitment to myself to go to cell group. (even though it starts at 7:30 *shivers* which means i won't be home till 10...) i hope i will grow! and learn to overcome little things that are so trivial yet could get in the way of potentially bigger things that could happen. i hope i stay consistent *pray for me!
it applies to all of us. sometimes the smallest things can hinder us from doing really great things. we need to learn to overcome it and make the most out of every opportunity we've got.
"So be careful how you live, not as fools but as those who are wise.
Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days."
-ephesians 5:15-16
3 comments:
mm, i agree with what you said. small group definitely feels like a "burden" sometimes (mine's right before my night class)... but what a blessing being part of a loving cell group is.
btw, i don't like tom welling (though he DOES have a rather nice site ; ) what about michael vaughn? he's pretty good lookin' ; )
My dear, I am so glad that you have committed yourself to the small group and to be devoted to it. I truly believe that you will grow a lot and you will realize how much you have missed out from not going in the past. And the person I was talking to on msn was not Joanie, but Andrea. It just so happened that I put Joanie's name on my msn name during that conversation.
Thank you very much for your encouraging words, you are too kind. It has come at THE right time.
you sound like me.
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