2008 bittersweet year

Let's update! Alright, so other changes (cont'd from previous post):

School/Work/Career/spiritual

This is going to be a looong post. So i'll try to put it in a nutshell.

I graduated in November of 2007. Basically I was really confused, lost, and jobless for a whole year 2008. I was depressed, felt useless, was burned out from serving so much at church, and did not feel fed or supported.
2008 isn't a year of i'd look back on if I wanted to reminisce on some sweet sweet memories, at least for the first part.

In the beginning of the year I didn't even know what I was doing, what to do with my life. I was serving so much at church that I felt as if that was my full time job. I was burned out dry. I cried almost 3x per week before any programmes because I didn't want to be there but I had to and I didn't know who to turn to. It was also ironically one of the periods when I felt the most distant from the Lord. I was serving yet I wasn't doing it with a heart for Him.
Then I started working out and exercising, which gave me a bit more sense of purpose seeing the discipline that grew from it. (That's from May-October ish) (i got so buff)
In October, Jess and I started calling each other up at 7am each morning (at least aspired to hehe) and we did our devos at that time. It was also when we started a new video series on prayer in our small group. Our whole group felt revived, i personally felt so revived.

The Lord was SOO good to me during those few months. I started doing devos, journalling and God spoke to me almost everyday and taught me something new. It brings me to tears when I talk about it now.
I found the Lord again when I felt the lowest. It was the 1 year mark of my joblessness (i had odd jobs part time here and there and worked for my parents but I didn't count that as a "job"). That was when I finally kicked myself in the butt and got down to the nitty gritty (i love this word "nitty gritty") - I sought after the Lord for guidance, on what steps to take next. I surrendered my life to him once again.

God led me to a lot of opportunities since. I started becoming really proactive with my next steps in life. (also with the help of a lot of encouragements from small group which was SOO inspiring!)
Let's rewind a little. The reason why I felt so lost for the first part of the year was because I had SOO many options I wanted to take. So I was torn, I didn't know which one to go for, Moreover, I was unwilling to seek the Lord so I was just stuck in a rut. I didn't go forward to any decisions and settled for just looking for a "full time job" which wasn't what I aspired to do at all, I was so bogged down by the impossible's that I didn't give a chance for myself to dream for bigger possibilities.

I also really want to get it "right", but I was so consumed by that that I never went ahead with anything. I really wanted to serve the Lord with the gifts he gave me but I didn't know where and which path to take.

Then I winded it all down to 3 routes that I wanted to take: 1. Work in China 2. Study Child and Youth Work 3. nutrition.
I applied to all of them, on the side I was also looking for a job

1. China - I applied to an organization called English First, they basically send teachers overseas to teach english. It's a very reputable organization. Long story short, it was an arduous process but I interviewed with them and they offered me a job, quite a good one with accommodation and travel expense well compensated too. (praise the Lord but He spoke to me through a few devos, prayers, and with some extensive conversations with my family- i realized that it wasn't the right time to just "abandon ship" esp because it was a whole year since i was out of a job. However, it's always been my dream and what's amazing is that I feel that working overseas will still be a great possibility in a couple of years)
2. Child and Youth Work- I got a job interview a week after I got into this programme, that job was basically EVERYTHING I believed in in terms of children welfare and providing social support for youth. My role was basically to facilitate and assist in a programme which offered LONG TERM academic, health and emotional support for kids throughout their high school years. (it's very holistic). When I walked out of the interview I asked the Lord for the job b/c I really really really really really wanted the job. I also compromised with the Lord that if I got the job, it would be an indication that he wants me to be studying in this programme. Turned out I didn't get the job :( HOWEVER...
3. Nutrition- Few people know this, but ever since end of 1st year in university, I always had the desire to switch majors to nutrition. I never got to it because of a lot of complications with switching and going back to do high school credits for science and blah blah blah. I loved loved anthropology but nutrition was always on my mind, that's why I wanted to apply to medical anthropology for masters. So ok so I went to Urbana 03' and that was a time when I was really torn between switching or to stick with anthro. I went into the conference praying for one thing only and that was whether I should do nutrition. I did not get any humongous gigantic sign but one verse that stuck with me from a devo I had during the conference from

Psalm 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." (NLT).

This verse was enough for me to continue with my studies because I knew he would guide me.

Having been reminded of this promise from the Lord, I applied to Food and Nutrition Management at George brown in faith. I visited the school 2-3 times and I had a talk with the coordinator. Everything went really smoothly, I was also told I had to do CHEF SCHOOL before going into the programme. I interviewed with the coordinator and emailed with her back and forth, and she basically accepted me into the programme (even though it was really conditional but she said she "trusted" me so I could just get in without all the complications).

So now here I am. 5-6 years after a promise that the Lord has promised me with.

Funny, I am doing nutrition!

Well, right now I am doing chef school, but it's AMAZING.

I am flabbergasted, and wonderfully amazed at the Lord's timing in everything.

If I I haven't been joblessness for the year, I wouldn't have had reconciled a lot of broken relationships with my family and I. Working with them had it's ups and downs, but God really brought the family together in this way.

My joblessness gave me "time" to serve at church. Albeit I was burned out and all I wouldn't have built such a great foundation for koolskool. Today, KoolSkool is a growing ministry and I thank God everyday for it. It also provided stability to our small group. Even though I still do not feel I am a good small group leader, I believe that God put me there to push my boundaries as a leader. I had to overcome a lot of fears I had with speaking up and praying and being obedient to the spirit.

If I haven't experienced that spiritual and self-esteem "low", i would never had sat down to consider all the options I had and really challenge myself and carefully think about all of them. Being able to take all the time to lay it down before the Lord to prayerfully consider them.

I would not have learned how to follow the Lord and when to know what is the "right" decision. I learned that (for the most part) to know God's will (and not sth i try to convince myself is "right") requires blessings from others, blessings from scripture, time, prayerprayerprayer (it's not sth you really really understand until you experience it).

I am so thankful and happy everyday because I know I am at the right place. Even though I don't spend as much time reading scripture as I want to be, I know that the Lord has placed me here for a reason.

I am also really thankful because I was able to be "released" from a lot of bitterness I harbored from the beginning of the year. the fact is I need to be open, and TRUST that not only the Lord was blessing me with overflowing blessings, but I had so many friends and family that has always been there for support me. (so cheesy, am I delivering an oscar speech or sth?)

Moral of the story: God is good :) He has his timing for everything. and i love cooking. hahahaha.

(i'm really rusty with blogging now, hope this post was comprehendible.)