I really don't like complaining and grumbling.
but MONTHLY girly biological occurrences really gets the best out of me.

I use to deny this phenomenon called "PMS", which a lot of girls suffer. I always thought it was an excuse to explode or to take your anger out on someone. Recently, i have come to a realization that this "monthly" thing really does have an effect on me.
I get angry.
I get frustrated.
I get so emotional.
I get impatient.
My self esteem drops way low.
And it is the time i feel the most inadequate, and i question myself the most.

It's so easy to let it out immediately. When you are so angry and frustrated, and your "blood is boiling" (i know the feeling), all you want to do is SCREAM or say some !*#&%)(@#'s, how can you POSSIBLY sit down calmly and tell yourself, "hey, don't" ?
I always remember the last scene from Seven (the movie with Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt). (*caution, this is a spoiler) Brad finds out that the serial killer beheaded his wife because the killer (Kevin Spacey) himself committed the sin of "envy". Brad was SO angry, but Morgan Freeman, knowing how "hot blooded" Brad's personality was, kept trying to sway him, telling him that if he killed Kevin Spacey, he would've completed the whole "Seven Deadly Sins project" that the killer himself planned for in advance.

So at that moment of disgusting anger and mad rage, Brad had to weigh his options:
a) kill the killer out of rage, which he knows is pointless, but it's to take revenge for his wife and to "relieve" his anger immediately
b) not kill the killer and ruin the killer's so-called "project"
Options, priority, and all the things he knew about murder and revenge from being a detective all the years of his service probably floated in his mind at that moment, but i'm sure nothing mattered.
Long story short, he killed the guy.

Anyway my point is, the frustrations I feel monthly is not THAT bad compared to what happened to poor Brad in Seven, however, i am more vulnerable to feeling anger that intensifies more easily.

Anger is not only an issue, but feeling inadequate and unconfident (it is a word, i am confident of that ha ha haa..ha..) is also a huge thing. It's a time when I have to be sure of who i am as Gendi, who i am in Christ, and stand up against my degrading thoughts about myself. Being a very sensitive and self conscious person my whole life, it's always a struggle for me to be self assured and self-confident.

It's crazy what goes on in this brain of mine during PMS! There are niagara falls-size thoughts that rush through my head constantly and flares up as easily as a pimple flares up on pimple poe's pimple-y nose.

However, it is also the time when I realize that DESPITE all these things, I need to rise above them and try my best to stay strong, obey the Lord and still be considerate of others. It's testing times, but also rewarding times.
There are also a lot of practical things that i could do to avoid them, for example, if i'm late for work, and i'm driving past speed limit to get there, and I am coincidently following a snail car. OBVIOUSLY I will get mad angry and may even tail-gate the car, however I could've avoided it by waking up a wee bit earlier, getting ready a bit faster, to give me more flexibility.

SO, PMS, monthly times of vulnerability to anger, feelings of inadequacy, rage, impatience- BAH-RRING IT.