Asking for someone's forgiveness is really hard. It takes a lot of courage and humility to do it. I've had many occassions when i knew i was wrong and i wanted to ask the person for forgiveness but i last minute-ly chickened out or i somehow put up a wall and started to develop thoughts like "oh he/she doesn't remember anymore, what's the point of bringing it up?" or "i'm not THAT wrong"
I guess the reason why i'm posting is because a few weeks ago, i went up to ____________ to ask for their forgiveness. But he/she said "i do not forgive you."
What happened after was i broke down and cried a river. When i woke up the next morning it looked like i was stung by a million of bees on my eyelids. or imagine someone being punched in the eyes(minus the bruises) it was like...i couldn't even see properly because there was a layer of swollen fat covering my vision.
The next day i sat down to think about what happened the night before. I started becoming more bitter and started to despise myself.
..and then i thought some more and questioned why i had those kinds of feelings.
When you ask someone for their forgiveness, what kind of attitude are you suppose to bear?
I was definitely not having the right mentality.
Why did i cry? was it because i was "expecting" them to accept my forgiveness? and because he/she didn't then i was sad?
Just because I decided to take the initiative to go up to the person to reconcile, it didn't mean that they had to accept it.
Taking the initial step of asking for someone's forgiveness does takes a lot of humility to act upon, but because it takes so much humility it can potentially bring pride in because it's such a hard thing to do.
I shouldn't have been SO sad because i didn't deserve to be forgiven, being forgiven would be a bonus.
I had pride in thinking that because took such a "big step" to ask forgiveness that i should've been forgiven.
I was so wrong.

It feels painful that i wasn't forgiven, but it just reminds me more of the grace of God, which is so unconditional.
There are so many things i've done that does not deserve to be forgiven, yet i am. I am so blessed.

"But because of His great love for us, God, who isrich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we weredead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved. Eph 2: 4-5

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you...'" 2 Cor 12:9

...Thank you father