boo

I think one of the biggest struggle in my life right now is learning to more confident about myself. I am so insecure about everything in my life and i just get so sensitive about every little action, every little word that people react to whenever i do or say something.

I take everything personally, thinking that it's my fault. Maybe it is, i really don't know. I feel as if nobody wants to talk to me b/c i'm ugly or b/c i'm annoying and crap. ugh.
Deep down inside i do not believe it's that, i honestly dont' know why . I'm so...not..amiable sometimes, i don't open myself to people and i shy away.

Hm...and i always regret what i say, wishing i said something else.

I am so not open...i just make lame jokes to cover up awkwardness, yet i have so many things inside that i keep to myself.

Anyway, i think God wants me to learn to love myself more..b/c i always yell at myself and insult myself...self loathing me
I heard a few times this week about how i should love others, yet before all that, i have to learn to love myself to know how to love others. I need to learn to do that.

On a lighter note, i watched "memento" and it was such a great movie, man i almost couldn't fall asleep last night b/c i was thinking about it so much.