I also know no one reads this page anymore, so i'll vent.
I happen to always want to vent about this everytime I feel down. I don't want to keep relying on other people or things to occupy me. I'm trying to deal with this in my own term- trusting in the Lord, keeping hopeful and having enough confidence in myself that I deserve something better than what I had.
Sometimes it's just so hard. It's weird... i just keep finding myself resorting back to feeling...a longing...and feeling regretful of my decisions. I must continue to have faith that I made the right decision..the decision to follow the Lord.
In times when I feel weak, alone, and do not know where to go...i just simply ask this horrible feeling to go away. I just want to go back to the old times when I felt so free. This is like a burden for me that won't go away and I just want to move on and be happy.
Maybe that's what it's like..growing up.... you go through rough experiences..you carry it with you as you live.. you hand it over to the Lord but it's still hard to shake off. Letting go is a huge lesson and it doesn't mean forgetting, it means to be able to deal with it and have it with you through your everyday life and be OK with it.
I don't want to cry anymore.
I want to fall in love with the Lord all over again. I want to be so smitten by his love that nothing else matters.
1 comment:
Reading your posts, I wish I could have been there in the past to comfort you for your posts sound so sad. But it comforts me to read that whatever you are going through you always turn back to the Lord and that you want to submit to Him.
"This is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see" Corrie Ten Boom
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