Saturday, April 16, 2011

Jaw Surgery week 1

I had all the intention to blog everyday about my progress.

Who would've thunk this healing process would be tougher than anticipated?

Here goes:

Day 1:
- woke up at 8:30am, slowy packed my bag- didn't feel i needed much, so i just brought a change of clothes
- played with ellie from 9-10:30
- Arrived at the hospital- lined up a did a bunch of administrative forms stuff, then was taken to a room where I had to change into hospital robes. I swear i thought I'd be wearing those paper dresses that shows the ass, but they have the clothy material in NYGH (Praise God). So i waited in the wait room in the hospital robe for an hour.
- A nurse called me in, my mom was there all along and walked me up to a point and she was told that she wasn't allowed in.
- I was taken to lie on a bed in a hallway. A guy came and set me up on an IV and gave me a freshly dried warm blanket. I waited for another half hour and my doctor arrived.
- By this time i was getting nervous, i was pretty calm throughout the whole morning- they wheeled me into the operation room.
- At the operation room, I was given something to breathe and then i was just KO-ed. haha.
- Next thing I knew I woke up in the "recovery room". I was so groggy and i asked "Why am i here?" and then person said something I don't remember.
- When I finally woke up- feeling extremely nauseous and groggy. I was bleeding from my nose and my mouth. I was feeling so weak.
- I just remember drifting in and out of consciousness as I was bleeding from the mouth. I couldn't open my mouth and all i tasted was blood. I used almost a whole stack of napkins. At one point I swallowed so much blood my stomach "rejected" it and i started hurling a load of blood. I had a bucket in front of me, my jaws were wired shut, so all this red gooey stuff was coming out between my teeth.
- I had to lie down on a 45 degree angle, whenever i tilted my head forward, blood spilled out of my nose and my mouth- which I couldn't stop. I had to have my bucket nearby the whole time to make sure blood does not leak onto myself.
- Only had one apple juice and a bit of water- i couldn't bear the thought of swallowing more blood into my system.
- Sleeping was ok, i was actually feeling really gross because all the blood.

Day 2
- sat in the hospital all day.
- For the first part of the morning i was still bleeding, whenever my head tilted forward just a bit, blood would spill from my mouth or my nose. unbearable.
- was woozy, did not want to get out of bed or drink anything
- tried to watch movies but my head was elsewhere, so i basically sat on my hospital bed all day without doing anything
- still swollen, very swollen, so ice packs were often changed
- had a cranberry juice and apple juice, syringe drinking was horrible.

Day 3
- DISCHARGED!
- Ice packs were removed to reveal my ever swollen face.
- it was DAYUM swollen and i was woozy as heck
- Weak as heck BUT I GOT TO GO HOME!!!
- played with my puppy but pretty much stayed in bed all day

Day 4
- forgot haha

Day 5
- swelling continues to go down but still very slowly
- i could drink HIGH CALORIE HIGH PROTEIN liquids now!
- Also i could drink without a syringe
- PLUS i stopped taking codeine so i could start pooing! (codeine makes you constipated and drowsy)
- Discovered that I could see my TEETH if i lifted my thick ass lips upwards. haha so i started brushing it with this small brush that i own because my breath just smelled so unbearable. (nonetheless it didnt' help? I mean i couldn't even brush my tongue but i guess a little bit helps, i just brush the front coz that's all i could reach)

Day 7
- Swelling continues to go down
- numbness- i feel like some feelings are coming back, i'm trying more to move my mouth around, my upper lip still completely numb, and it feels weird to wash my face it's like a skew of sensations when i do that. i feel numb but irritated. it's weird.
- Bruising- under my chin there's still a bruise spot, today i used boiled egg twice to try dissipate the bruise, but to no avail i think. haha.
- feeling very energized! did a bunch of very productive things- skipped church but took a shower (like i do all the time..psh), i got rid of some old stuff, cleaned my room, cut my dogs hair and nails, washed my dog, and listened to a great sermon (tim keller's "the prodigal son")
- i was doing some regular nose cleaning by flushing it out with water but then my right nostrils started MAD bleeding. clots were coming out but the blood was vibrant red. it just kept bleeding

Day 9
- post op appointment time!
- Dr. tocchio said my swelling is going away really well and that some people has it really bad
- honestly i've been going through this emotional thing where i feel so disgusting and weird. i am so swollen and i really feel nasty.
- he cleaned my teeth and cut off the rubberbands in the front, hallellujah i can fit a brush in there to brush my friggin tongue!!!!
- going back in a week
- told me i could do facial exercises to reduce swelling- been trying to do that and it has been working!
- swelling- my lips are not swollen anymore! my face is still swollen so now i look like a huge face with tiny little features all in the middle haha
- bought arnica cream as recommended online to help with the bruising- seems like the bruising spread all over my neck and it's all yellow, applied it twice today
- went to small group to support steph for her life story, small group saw me- much to my. . reluctance to go and be judged, but it wasn't too bad, i just joked about it lightly and it was fine
- met up with victor afterwards and he said i'll be HOT! even though he thought my swelling was funny

more posts to come!!

Monday, February 28, 2011

sleepless chatter

It's 3:30am.

I couldn't sleep.

This is rarely an issue for me but i've been tossing and turning since 3am. My eyes are stinging and I feel the tiredness yet I couldn't physically get myself to sleep state.

At this dark time (literally), I hear raining outside and my heart feels burdened about 2 things:

1. I am worried about going into my job today- I got another crap review about my department, I work so hard yet I dont feel i could ever get it right> I am under so much stress all the time. I don't know HOW TO MANAGE MY STAFF. I really don't know what to do. I feel so inadequate, so imcompetent- am I not cut for this job? Why am I blessed with this job which I am not so good at? My budget is WAAY over. I don't know what to do.

2. I am worried about boys. Boys are "teapot" (cha bo)--> "TROUBLE". For once in my life i'm getting attention from boys but not the right boys. I feel i've successfully weaned off the ex one and now another one similar comes along who adores me once again but I find myself at the same crossroad as i was last year--> the heck? hahaha Is this a joke from God? He is so humorous! Maybe! I must seek him for strength!!


Perhaps I have a 3rd item that I am burdened about:
3. SLEEP.

I WANNA SLEEP! I NEED BEAUTY I NEED REST.

goodnight world. or shall i say, "good morning"

Maybe i'll say Good "morn" in an old classic english style. 'morn' hahaha.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Thanksgiving

Yesterday I woke up and received a call from my best friend saying how thankful she was to have me in her life, I heard a wonderful sermon from my most respected pastor, I had a lunch with my church buddies at our usual sushi place (Gal sushi), I went home, took a restful nap, played with my adorable dogs, then biked around for an hour on a beautiful 20c fall afternoon. At night, I ate dinner with my parents who just returned from their 3 week China trip, and ended the night with gifts they bought for us from there.

My thanksgiving 2000 can not be any better. I got to spend it with my closest friends, family, and even had time for myself to reflect.

I had a simple thanksgiving day, in which in return was all i needed.

God is good :)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I think blogging is a form for me to vent.
I also know no one reads this page anymore, so i'll vent.

I happen to always want to vent about this everytime I feel down. I don't want to keep relying on other people or things to occupy me. I'm trying to deal with this in my own term- trusting in the Lord, keeping hopeful and having enough confidence in myself that I deserve something better than what I had.

Sometimes it's just so hard. It's weird... i just keep finding myself resorting back to feeling...a longing...and feeling regretful of my decisions. I must continue to have faith that I made the right decision..the decision to follow the Lord.

In times when I feel weak, alone, and do not know where to go...i just simply ask this horrible feeling to go away. I just want to go back to the old times when I felt so free. This is like a burden for me that won't go away and I just want to move on and be happy.

Maybe that's what it's like..growing up.... you go through rough experiences..you carry it with you as you live.. you hand it over to the Lord but it's still hard to shake off. Letting go is a huge lesson and it doesn't mean forgetting, it means to be able to deal with it and have it with you through your everyday life and be OK with it.

I don't want to cry anymore.

I want to fall in love with the Lord all over again. I want to be so smitten by his love that nothing else matters.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Why do i still find myself thinking and thinking of you?

Everyday I have to struggle and remind myself that it is part of God's plan, of which has been really clearly shown to me.

I will trust in the YOU, Lord.

Please keep me strong